Upward Social Comparison: We’re All Guilty
Imagine this: you open your Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/whatever. Another friend has gotten engaged. You’re still single. Your college buddies are in Hawaii. You can’t even afford a flight there. Your sibling just got a promotion. Why can’t you get one?
It happens. Humans compare themselves to others all the time.
While thinking of others less fortunate than yourself is a great motivator to help your fellow man, comparing yourself to those (seemingly) more fortunate is sadly much more common. Thanks to social media it’s also much easier to accomplish now. Seeing your friend’s accrued wealth, new car, wedding pictures, etc. is right at your fingertips. The thought of “I wish I had that” can be almost impossible to escape. This is what’s known as upward social comparison, and it can be detrimental to your mental health.
Why We Do It
Ladies, think back to the last time you wanted a new hairstyle. You’re not sure what to go for, but you know you want a change. Nowadays, looking for examples is as easy as pushing a couple of buttons on your phone. In seconds, you’re turning your overgrown mop into Zendaya’s silky locks or a Selena Gomez style updo. You want what they have.
Of course, hair is only the beginning. Your friends all have killer bodies? This may be the secret reason for your new diet. Your neighbor just got a BMW? Better start penny pinching. That YouTuber you like just reached one million subscribers? If only you had thought of that idea first.
This is why upward social comparison is so common. Others are used as a benchmark for your own personal goals. Having a model for what you hope to achieve isn’t a bad thing in itself though. It’s when you start thinking “why can’t I have (insert new thing)?” that it can become a problem.
Negative Effects
As stated, what others have can be used as motivation to achieve your own goals. Well, what happens if that motivation isn’t there? There’s no time to earn that extra cash. Junk food is too delicious to give up. You don’t know or don’t want to learn the skills necessary for that promotion. You’re left feeling like a hollowed out shell of yourself in mere minutes.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes the more second-rate someone feels the more their resentment towards the person they envy will grow. If not put in check, this can lead to you isolating or even sabotaging the “guilty party.” You can’t be reminded your friend has more money if they’re no longer welcome in your friend group. Your brother can’t make that big interview if his alarm clock “mysteriously” malfunctions.
The less you motivate yourself, the less you accomplish. It’s much easier to just hate and isolate the cause of your jealousy. Let’s be honest though, no one wants to be reminded of middle or high school.
How to Stop
Think it’s impossible to stop comparing yourself to others? Think again.
Quitting the habit starts with knowing what causes it and putting an end to it. For some, it can be as easy as staying off of social media for a time. Read a book or go outside and take a walk instead. Also, keep in mind that — most of the time — you’re only seeing the good parts of your friends’ lives on social media. Everyone has hardships but those are rarely posted unless they’re life changing.
Others may need to follow the advice of the Berenstain Bears and count their blessings. Simply make a list of the things in your life you’re grateful for; once you start writing them it can be hard to stop.
If you’re really that desperate to change yourself, focus more on the challenge than coveting others for already achieving it. Set a healthy, target weight for yourself. Literally go that extra mile on the treadmill. Sign up for a class so you can learn those special skills; you’re never too old to learn.
After a time, take another look at that friend who got their dream job. The happier you are with yourself the happier you will be for them.
We all have to face facts, life is going to drag us down sometimes. Chances are there’s always going to be someone that has it better or worse than you. The key is to focus on who you are, what you’re good at, what you have, and how you can improve. Improve yourself not for others, but for yourself. That may require deleting that social media account or pushing yourself the extra mile, but it’s always best to keep moving forward.